Laying out the ground rules.

 

I had a show tonite with my new band project Whitman's Ghost.  We're a six-piece Americana/folk outfit that writes all original music.  We've only just begun (four months or so) and we still need to iron out some things, but we've got a really fun sound.  I'm also in this other band (first and foremost) called The Echo & Sway who just celebrated five glorious years.

I'm finding that a little something on the side isn't necessarily a bad thing.  What I am realizing, however, is that there always comes a little bad with the good.  As of tonite's post, I'm in the middle of a four-gig stretch (plus practices) in a little over a week.  Next Tuesday I've got a short fiction reading in Williamsport at Alabaster. 

Long story short: I'm finally coming to terms with a bit of depression after the fact.  Had a really great show tonite, really great, and stuck around to listen to American Opera whom we opened for.  Got home, though, after the second act and all my kibitzing, relaxing with the wife and watching an episode of our show.  Suddenly, I realize that as the credits roll how sad I am.

It's not that there's anything really wrong with me.  I could have talked longer, offered the musician a place to stay the nite, helped close up shop...trying to get a fix on the problem.  The problem is that I'm trying too hard to put my finger on a pulse that is only beating improperly because I'm making it so.  Please, let me explain.

I'm not doing my duty as a christian, as a man of God, as a matter of fact.  Did I pray before tonite's gig?  Nope.  Did I pray after tonite's gig?  Not then, either.  What about five years with The Echo & Sway?  Can say I can recall definitely one.  And therein lies the problem:  the fact that I'm the odd man out in these situations (a third of WG and half of TE&S) is really only the tip of the iceberg.  No wonder my Titanic self-esteem gets ripped apart once things have concluded.

Like I said, we did well tonite.  I can point out positives and negatives, but that's something I do on a minute-to-minute basis anyhow.  With last Saturday's performance, the show was EPIC.  For an anniversary show we were golden.  Seriously.  You can't make this stuff up.  (You could, but I can't embellish that much.)  The joking around, spot-on poems, even getting past the flubs--is was the cat's meow.

I'm no slouch behind the mic.  Could really use an instrument to round things out, but I have fun with what I'm doing, and it's hard to dance with a guitar.  I've been given a gift with voice, harmony, writing.  But it's not from me.  God has given me the fruit of the Spirit and I should be honing it through prayer, praising Him for the gifts He's given me, even using them to show others what Christ has done through little 'ol me.